Thursday, February 3, 2011

My understanding of how presidential elections are won

  • Obama: (see Bush II)
  • Bush II: Gore claims invention of internet, ocular degeneration in the elderly
  • Clinton: Played sax and said he wear boxers on national TV
  • Bush I: didn't ride in a tank, something about a million lights
  • Reagan: morning in America, Where's the Beef?, never uses the word "malaise"
  • Ford: Redford and Hoffman discover DNC break in
  • Nixon: Jane Fonda sits in anti-aircraft gun
  • LBJ: girl looking for daisies is nuked
  • JFK: Nixon was too sweaty
  • Eisenhower: wins WW2, had the better jingle
  • Truman: paper preemptively calls election for Dewey, voters vote opposite

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